To adapt to this unhealthy and dysfunctional environment, the working relationship between his thoughts and feelings becomes twisted. We read books by smart people doctors, spiritual leaders, researcher, experts, etc. To learn more about something I know very little about from someone who is more knowledgeable than I? I believe no other person can MAKE you feel a certain way unless you let them.His emotional responses, emotional management, and emotional development will likely be seriously, and perhaps permanently, impaired. - people with more experience who were passing on their knowledge so that we could live a little smarter, maybe a little easier. So I learned many things: Moms mantra when we were upset was You can choose to be happy or choose to be sad, either way is a choice. If Im feeling stressed I try some different relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, turning up the radio super loud and singing in the car or dancing at home, count my blessings, or simply look at the beauty of the world around me.When we are invalidated by having our feelings repudiated, we are attacked at the deepest level possible, since our feelings are the innermost expression of our individual identities. As a parent I want to teach my kids these things Ive learned.Telling a person she shouldn't feel the way she does feel is akin to telling water it shouldn't be wet, grass it shouldn't be green, or rocks they shouldn't be hard. Whether we like or understand someone's feelings, they are still real. So when they felt bad or angry I tried to help them find a way to make themselves feel better.
In fact, one definition of the so-called "borderline personality disorder" is "the normal response of a sensitive person to an invalidating environment" (Psychiatrist R. Laing said that when we invalidate people or deny their perceptions and personal experiences, we make mental invalids of them. He writes "...a history of emotion invalidation (i.e., a history of childhood psychological abuse and parental punishment, minimization, and distress in response to negative emotion) was significantly associated with emotion inhibition (i.e., ambivalence over emotional expression, thought suppression, and avoidant stress responses). So I give myself a time-out, I nurture my inner whiny child or nurse my wounds, allow myself to feel self-pity, then I remind myself how many blessings I have and try to do better.Many people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) have had experiences of emotional invalidation.In fact, some experts believe that emotional invalidation may be one factor that increases a child’s risk of developing BPD in adolescence or adulthood.Invalidation Invalidating environment – what is it?An invalidating environment is one where the people around you don’t help you to deal with your emotions, whether they mean to or not.It is important to note that in this model, there is an interaction between the child's emotions and the environment.