My little girl with her long brown hair, came running to me with flowers she had (illegally) picked at school.
Sometimes when I grieve for her and cry for her, I vivid memory come to me--- a day I was sitting out in the backyard and the school bus dropped her off in front of the house.
A strong desire to experience life and live fully came over me. I did not want to model: "stay together for the sake of the children" to my daughter the way my mom did to me. No, I wanted to model a strong women with self respect and courage to create a happy life. In only three months after the divorce (I guess I was pretty naive and "raw meat") I hooked up with a very manly man who paid so much attention to me and seemed to be everything I ever wanted. I was so glad she had a strong male father figure because her read dad was not.
It seemed to me that the divorce had been a good thing for my daughter.
Most teenage girls won't be caught dead around friends without her face on! It will also send you a text message or let you check online to see when the person is logging on or off of the alarm.
She would be at every game soaking up the compliments.
She enjoyed this so much that she didn't stop the coaches from making him play basketball when he had two fractured ankles or stay in the football game after having to be revived with smelling salts.
I hugged them and told them I loved them everyday because my parents never did that for me. Thinking back, I realize now I must have not been there for my daughter completely with all of this on my mind. He had been my first boyfriend and we never had a real partnership or intimacy.
I could go on and on about all the things I did that I thought were being a good mother. Seeing my sister die at only 35, the sober reality of how short life really is hit me in the face like cold water. She once told me during a particularly hard time in High School "If it weren't for Joe, I'd be on drugs or pregnant." I was so happy that he took delight in listening to all of her teenage problems, give her counsel and advice.
When he was 16, she married another chain smoking alcoholic (like herself) who was only 11 years older than my husband. When he joined the Marines..23..called the recruiter to try and stop him.